All Have the POWER to Be Free

When I’m Told Not to Feel Angry…It Makes Me F-N ANGRIER!

 Alcoholics Anonymous would have newcomers and members believe that the emotion of anger is one that they cannot possibly afford as it will lead surely to relapse and death. Even resentment I was told would lead to relapse and DEATH. (Actually EVERYTHING besides a strict adherence to Bill’s Book of Bullshyt and the inane lunacy flowing from so-called “sponsors’” pie-holes will lead to DEATH…DEATH and more DEATH with a pit stop or two along the way to the ASYLUM, PRISON and HOSPITALS…all ultimately leading to DEATH.

FROM The Big Book on Anger:

“But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die…
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison….
When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
Review pages 66-67 for full text.

Thus, in AA for old timers and newcomers alike, to feel anger is TO DIE. If you accept that ideology, ‘to be human is to DIE’ because all humans are subject to a full range of human emotions; one of which is ANGER. AA zombies have been conditioned to believe that to feel anger will cause them to actually die. What a torturous way to live! One must utterly repress a normal human emotion…or DIE? No wonder so many of the people who go into AA; leave AA…and at an increasing way. 

Sadly, many people in and out of the cult do not understand and anger and are afraid of it. They believe that anger is in and of itself wrong, sinful, harmful and destructive. I do not agree with them. Anger is what you make of it. You have the power–not anger. I really appreciate what blogger, Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D writes on anger: “...anger or rage is a powerful explosive like dynamite, which can be used destructively or constructively, for evil or good. Like nuclear radiation or nitroglycerine, anger can be used both to harm and to heal. Anger can, under certain circumstances, take total possession of a person, driving us blindly into self-destructive behavior and evil deeds. Like love, anger can be “blind.” Anger is often experienced as a threatening, malicious alien force taking over mind, body and soul. A ferocious beast, a berserk bear, a poisonous serpent, fire-breathing dragon, wrathful god, vindictive devil or demon.” From:

You know what I figured out? I am going to die anyway. Life leads to DEATH. As a full adult it is my responsibility to discover, define and determine my own Destiny, my own Beliefs and how I choose to manifest in this World. I have to live my own life true to who I am; not who AA or anyone else tells me to be.

I accept that as a human being I will sometimes experience joy, sorrow, pain, pleasure, anger and a full array of other normal human emotions. That is life. Teaching people to stuff and deny their anger under fear of death is pure lunacy. It harms people.

No old self-defined drunk on this planet or anywhere in the Universe has a right to dictate how you or I shall live life and/or FEEL about the life we live—whether we drink any substance upon God’s green earth or not.

Anger is a real emotion. It is not negative. It is not positive. It is POWERFUL and defined by the ways in which we choose to channel and use it. Anger may be used for evil or good. My anger is not directed at any real person with regards to the cult of Alcoholics Anonymous. My anger is directed at this bogus institution and the miseducation of a nation that feeds people into this faux program that harms more people than it helps. Any sane person might be angered to discover what those of us in the AA Pro-TRUTH Community (better name than “anti-AA”) has discovered in the past few years.

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”   William Arthur Ward

As a survivor of childhood molestation, rape, a sadistic marriage where I endured chronic intimate terrorism…and now survivor of AA, I am often told that I must “let it go” and I must stop being angry. WTF?

Let me give any pious, forgive-ness bully, self-righteous, judgmental asshole attempting to feign “helpfulness” a little 411: Telling a survivor NOT to be angry only makes the person ANGRIER. Stop being an INFURIATING ass-hole! That would help to relieve a great deal of anger.

When bullied by self-deputized Emotions Police masquerading as caring friends, associates or family members, often times the anger directed at abusers is re-routed within  survivors to include the anti-anger bully. Seriously, has your anger ever been calmed by having some jerk stand over you and tell you how every wrong you are for being angry? How does that really make you feel? THINK about it for a minute.

I absolutely hate for anyone to tell me how I should feel without their having lived MY LIFE AS ME. Note the distinction: MY LIFE AS ME! For even if they have endured the exact same circumstances or even circumstances more severe than what I have survived, they did not survive anything as ME. So, I advise them to thank their lucky stars and save their advice on anger for Rainbow Brite and Mickey Mouse.

A survivor must have the space and time to feel in order to move into the place where they can heal. This can’t be forced or coerced. A sincerely kind person would not even want to try to force a survivor to do or to be or to feel anything besides what he or she is feeling.

Survivors especially have a right to their anger and to process it as and if they can. No one has any right to judge them. A survivor has a hell of a lot more right to feel angry than an outsider has a right to come, judge and tell another human being not to feel however he or she damned feels!

In AA I had to endure people who did not know me stand in my face and tell me how I should feel, think and be. They were smug beyond all measure and always regurgitating bs from the BB as if they were quoting the very word of God. I will never allow anyone to give me unsolicited advice again. I choose whom I will listen to based on how much regard and respect I have for each person. I have absolutely no respect or regard for any advice, information or ideas coming from anyone who is currently a cult victim in AA, NA or any other cult.

I could just slap the sour spit out of someone’s mouth when they try to tell me how the fuck I should feel. I have fantasies about the kinds of things that have happened to survivors, instead happening to people who try to control the emotions of survivors and then telling them, “Now YOU let it go now Big Pimpin! Forgive. Let it go…or DIE!” We can already imagine just how “forgiving” and “gracious” they would be then, can’t we?

Just observe them; they can’t even allow survivors to feel their own emotions. They have no empathy, no gracious acceptance. They would have no more benevolence if our shoes were actually on their foul feet. They would be even uglier and angrier than what they judge us for. I guarantee it. For if there was true agape love and grace in their hearts and souls they would not treat a hurt person so badly. They would not add to another’s pain with indifference, judgment and needless admonishment.

They make it harder for survivors…they really do!

I know I would have been far more successful at processing my anger when I was younger if not for the many judgmental ass-holes who arrived to inform me of how wrong I was to feel angry. They made me far angrier. Why? It feels like an invalidation of the core of one’s self for someone who you go to for help or support or just a listening ear to attempt to shame and blame you for your natural emotions.

It feels like further fucking violation to be told not to feel angry about being harmed!
Because it is!

I experienced far too much invalidation and mental violation in AA. It increased my anxiety and threatened my sense of inner balance. Insanity is infectious in there. It is quite literally palpable and pungent. You can catch crazy from those mo fo’s; I swear! I am still thanking the Universe for delivering me from that vipers’ nest of the most harmful, hateful, callous, individuals I have ever met in my life. (They have a lot of anger by the way. They feel that stuffing it and being dispassionate about it means that they are not angry. They are VERY ANGRY. They express it in very passive; very AGGRESSIVE and harmful ways.)

Anyone who runs an anti-AA blog can tell you how ANGRY those zombies are. They post horrible, hateful things. No one is nastier or angrier than they are.

I am far less angry now than I was when I was in AA. I did not get here from anyone telling me NOT to be angry at AA either. If there had been people telling me that I would still be angry and I would also be angry at them for their attempts at emotionally coercing me. Most of the people who bully others about how they feel are the most EXPOLSIVE and angry people that anyone could ever encounter if the truth be told. Anyone who tells others not to be angry is a lying hypocrite.

Feel your feelings! You are a HUMAN BEING.

It is important to get in touch with your emotions and process them. You can express them through all sorts of creative (not destructive) means. I like to use art. When I lived by the ocean cliffs I named big head-sized rocks and dashed them with a SCREAM upon the jagged, rocky shore. That was refreshingly cathartic.

You can feel & channel your anger in harmless even creative ways such as:
Connecting with Nature.
Screaming (in a safe place).
Even a good spitty curse-fess (alone or with an empathetic friend) can help you to express and relieve anger. If your anger is causing you difficulties in living day to day life, you deserve the relief that a skilled and caring counselor can provide you with.

 Remember, you have a RIGHT to feel how you feel. Your feelings are feelings. They are NEVER wrong. How you choose to use that anger is what is important. For instance, I was VERY angry at how I was mistreated in AA. I fantasized many unmentionable things happening to my ex-sponsor and grand sponsor. Instead of using that anger to bother anyone, I channeled it into the development of my web site and this blog. Just look! My anger has helped other people and myself.

The next time someone tells you that you should NOT feel angry, tell them to stop ‘shoulding’ on you before you get really, really ANGRY at them!

Your range of emotions are as beautiful and bold as the range of colors within the rainbow…from anger to joy from pretty pink to emerald green…

Feel your feelings! You are a HUMAN BEING damn it!


If self-proclaimed “powerlessness” & “disease” helps you to achieve & retain the state of abstinence you choose, I have no argument with you.


I have been on a much needed break from this “vibe”. Maybe I am back and have fully processed my profound disappointment. I will not go into what I was so disappointed about. Why? It may just spark it back up. I’ll just say that we of somewhat like minds as far as Billy W. is concerned can afford to give one another due consideration and respect–even when we inevitably (and hopefully) disagree on some things. I mean, what the f is this–an AA table?

In my box here I often get comments (long & short) from AA devotees or disciples (or zombies). The stench emanating from  them often gets so fowl after 3 to 5 words that I immediately recognize the “diseased-smell” just reeking from them.  I TRASH THEM without reading further. One zombie started his post with… “This is bullshi—” TRASH…TRASH…TRASH… He could have spent his precious time better by repeating the Serenity Prayer a few times if you ask me. Go figure.

Still, every now and then I get a message from a pro-AA that seems to have been able to retain their humanity and mind despite AA’s thorough indoctrination process. These people know that they have been specifically told by AA and their sponsor NOT TO THINK! Yet some of them still dare to THINK…it shows in their writing. I appreciate that. So, instead of trashing this thoughtful and honest, albeit pro-powerlessness, post by a fellow blogger, I have decided to re-post it.

I will also say, that even though I do not welcome communication with pro-AA people right now in my life, if the religion or treatment or wisdom or whatever you would like to call it in Alcoholics Anonymous helps you, has helped you or whatever benefit you have derived from it, I say, GREAT. This blog was not and is not created for you. You have the Big Book and the 12 & 12. Isn’t that all you need? Why trifle here?

I don’t get it.

I am not an alcoholic.

I am not powerless.

I dumped every connection to all of those AA people going on two years ago now. I am not headed for the hospital. As a matter of fact, health wise, I feel better than I have felt in quite some time. I am not on my way to any mental institution. In fact, I feel more clear-headed and far less stress and/or anxiety now than I ever did in AA. I am not in jail nor have I any plans to break any laws. And I ain’t dead yet!


If self-proclaimed “powerlessness” & “disease” helps you to achieve & retain the state of abstinence you choose, I have no argument with you. I congratulate you on every last single little day of remission you are able to ink out…one day at a time. I really do.


“From the reading I’ve been doing, I can finally believe that many addicts just learn to control themselves. But I have tried self-recovery and moderation 15 times around and failed every time, much of it before I ever heard the terminology about the disease theory of addiction. I have stared, horrified and demoralized to the core, at age 17, innocent of AA/NA rhetoric, at my hands, wondering whose hands they had become, why they picked up bottles and pills my head was screaming at them to stop picking up, why even my mouth defied my brain’s orders and drank, whether I was the only one like that. To me, lack of control as an addiction concept has been very healing to my self-esteem, because it means I’m not the only one who has been so weak. Therefore, to me, I am powerless after the first drink (because the agony it sets off can be abated only by a few more), and have intermittent power over the first one in the face of temptation, but if there is no drink being handed to me nor the smell in my nostrils, I have perfect control. So, I stay out of bars and remind party hosts that I cannot drink. it works for me. Yet there have been times I watched in a trance as my feet walked into a bar, but that was years ago.”

Imagine…Powerless Pilots Flying (crashing) POWERFUL Planes: TABOO TOPIC?

Pilots Have Their Own Underground Version of AA

Many people may be shocked to discover the truth about the ties between AA , the FAA, and alcoholism. We have and have had a problem with substance use/over-use and pilots…for quite some time. The CDC reported last year that Substance Use Disorder has become epidemic in the US. Our pilots are not immune. Alcoholism among airplane pilots became so problematic that they eventually had to form their own “underground” version of Alcoholics Anonymous. This organization is called Birds of a Feather International ( A seasoned pilot revealed to Lodi News Sentinel in a 1985 interview that many pilots were alcoholics:,685225

“This is your pilot speaking. I am POWERLESS over this plane!”

Pilots with alcohol and drug use problems are routinely sent to 12-step-based programs to “treat” their substance use and/or overuse challenges; in fact, many professionals are, but this piece is focusing on pilots. HIMS was also started by airplane pilots dealing with substance use challenges. It is pure Alcoholics Anonymous…on wings! HIMS is specific to commercial pilots and coordinates the identification, treatment and return to the cockpit of impaired aviators. It is an industry-wide effort in which companies, pilot unions, and FAA work together to preserve careers and further air safety. FROM:

The public has a right to know how extensive the problem of substance abuse by pilots is and what solutions—effective solutions are in place (if any). The airplane passengers and the pilots also have a right to know how such programs operate, what levels of effectiveness they have (if any) and whether people exposed to such programs experience any ill effects.  The Huffington Posts lists numerous incidences involving ‘drunk pilots’. SEE: Yes, there is a problem!

What is the solution? While there are evidence-based alternatives to 12 step based programs, Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous enjoy an undeserved reputation for being the best place to turn for help with alcohol and substance use issues. Pilots, alcoholism and Bill W.’s Oxford Group Religion go way back. Enjoy this interesting rendition of the endlessly repeated Serenity Prayer which all 12-step meetings begin and/or end with…and imagine your pilot chanting this prayer (in unison) before your next flight!

Feel safer already, huh?

Pilots who are problem-drinkers and the passengers they serve are subject to the connection between the FAA and AA in ways they may be unaware of. From “…the Federal Aviation Administration is in the bag for Alcoholics Anonymous because the medical profession is in the bag for Alcoholics Anonymous. Physicians themselves have accepted the addiction-coddling attitudes of the 1960’s drug revolution as the standard of care for the entire nation, squandering our national treasure and their own integrity… med students are now required to attend AA meetings, as though some evidence suggested that addiction is a medical problem in the first place. Addiction is not a medical problem. Addiction causes medical problems, but no medical problem causes addiction. There are no medical treatments for non-medical problems. The FAA diversion and monitoring programs are an extreme iatrogenic menace to problem drinkers/users and to all passengers of commercial airlines.”

The indoctrination of pilots into this religious based program to deal with substance use/ over-use issues warrants serious consideration and evaluation at this time. Is AA making pilots and passengers safer? On the Clean Slate web site it reports the following, “A study showed that alcoholic men who went to Alcoholics Anonymous became 9 times more likely to subsequently “binge drink” than those who used a cognitive behavioral approach.  What’s more, they were also 5 times more likely to binge than a control group who received no help with drinking.  The take-home message here is: you’re probably better off learning a cognitive behavioral approach for addressing substance use problems, or you might be better off getting no help at all* – than you would be going to AA for help with drinking!” (SEE: ) While many people who turn to AA & NA have problems prior to going to these programs, AA& NA exposure often result in making some people’s issues (especially depression, anxiety, stress, substance use disorder, and suicidal ideation) worse than they were prior to “the program” (which really is less of a “program” and more of a religion, as it has been ruled to be by US courts.) SEE:

The fact that “the program” that pilots with substance use and/or over use issues are being forced to attend is a religious program should be alarming to every citizen of the United States. When you add the reports of “the program” being harmful and potentially psychologically disturbing to many people, it causes even greater concern. The Orange Papers web site states, “I believe that a good case can even be made that Alcoholics Anonymous also increases the suicide rate of its members. “ SEE: How would you feel if you knew that the plane you were boarding was piloted by someone involved with a 12 step based program? Would you feel safer? Would it make a difference to you if your pilot was involved in an evidence-based program instead of a 12 step based program?

Is a “powerless” pilot what passengers envision at the helm of a POWERFUL jet? A pilot who is also an AA member would need to pray, embrace “powerlessness” over alcohol, drugs, people, places and things; then hop into a cockpit and fly a plane. Pilots are human beings; they have challenges just like non-pilots do. Praying is all well and good for many good people, but our pilots deserve and need professional/evidence based resources when dealing with substance use and over-use challenges.

On the FAA web site it states, “A consistently high alcohol related fatal aircraft accident rate serves to emphasize that alcohol and flying are a potentially lethal combination.” SEE:
Hundreds of commercial and private U.S. pilots have been diagnosed and treated for a broad array of serious psychiatric and medical conditions, including schizophrenia, attempted suicide, sexual deviance, alcoholism and drug abuse, a Herald review has found. The review comes in the wake of a chilling episode at Logan International Airport four months ago involving a distraught JetBlue [JBLU] pilot who threatened to “harm himself in spectacular fashion” an hour before takeoff – an incident that sent shudders through airline passengers across the country. Medical record data from 2008, 2009 and 2010 provided by the Federal Aviation Administration under a public records request show:

15 pilots – including one from Massachusetts – have been treated for or diagnosed with schizophrenia.
*Another 292 pilots have attempted suicide, including five Bay Staters.
*2,700 pilots have been treated for alcohol abuse, including 34 from Massachusetts, and another 1,253 have been diagnosed as alcoholics – including 20 Bay Staters.
* 1,377 pilots have been treated for drug abuse – 23 from Massachusetts – and another 94 for drug dependence.

Poor Pilots Pour

The “powerlessness-doctrine” of AA does not ultimately contribute to any real treatment for substance use/ over-use for pilots or anyone else. It is dangerous. Pilots literally hold our lives in their hands when we take to the skies aboard their planes. A pilot must be in control of him or herself and the plane that she or he navigates. Pilots may face issues of substance use just as anyone may. If these pilots are sent to a program for help with their substance use and over use issues, it would be encouraging to know that these programs were actually helping pilots with substance use and over-use challenges. If participation in religious-based/ ineffectual 12 step-based programs make pilots less stable and more prone to erratic behavior; it needs to be acknowledged and investigated. In an article called, Bottle to Throttle: A Short History of Drunk Pilots, Bloomberg Business Week reports, “In the U.S., federal rules prohibit a pilot from operating an aircraft if he or she has a blood-alcohol content of .04 percent or higher—or within eight hours of having consumed an alcoholic beverage, the period known as “bottle to throttle.”  While inebriated pilots are rare, they do exist.” SEE: To ignore this issue only protects Alcoholics Anonymous while putting the lives of countless passengers from countries across the globe in consistent danger. The thought of “powerless” pilots ought to be utterly mortifying to anyone who boards a plane of has loved ones that fly. Again, how many must die so that AA may live?

———————————————————-BREAKING NEWS———————————————————————————————–

Breaking News

Credible sources are now discussing possible/plausible scenarios for the current missing flight crisis. There are many questions; few answers at the time of this post. This is simply a documentation of some of the current information surrounding this mysterious disappearance. No definitive statement as to the mental state, actions, substance use history, etc. has been stated in this post. There have been no reports stating that either pilot of the missing flight were members of any 12 step affiliated program or had any revealed history of substance use disorder. Much is yet to be revealed.

Readers are encouraged to read further, evaluate the news released and investigate for themselves. Again, no possible scenario has yet been found to be valid or invalid at this time. BREAKING NEWS:



Malaysia Says Pilot Suicide a Possibility

The Boston Herald:
Latest missing jet theories: Piracy, pilot suicide

Pilot suicide a taboo topic in past crash probes

CBS News:
Grief, anger and more questions after Malaysia declares Flight 370 crashed

Huffington Post: Obama Makes First Public Comments On Missing Plane

Los Angeles Times:
Search of Malaysia pilot’s home finds no sign of terrorism, suicide,0,5072831.story#ixzz2wMKg39y2

New Zealand Herald:
Flight MH370: Pilot in wrong state of mind to fly – friend

Missing Malaysia Airlines pilot ‘terribly upset’ by marriage break-up:
A reporter from the New Zealand Herald has filed a story from Kuala Lumpur claiming to have spoken to one of Captain Zaharie Ahmad Shah’s friends, a fellow pilot, who said the 52-year-old was going through a number of relationship problems and felt that his life was crumbling at the time of the ill-fated flight on March 8.
Read more:

Malaysian airplane investigators look at suicide as possible motive

The Telegraph:
Malaysia Airlines crash: Suicide mission theory of MH370 investigators

Pilot suicide a taboo topic in past crash probes



Additional information:

Charles O’Rourke:
Suicide by Airplane

Non 12 Step Based Alternatives for Substance Use Disorder

If you or someone you love needs help managing any kind of Substance Use/ Over-use challenge; there are effective, safe, alternatives to 12 step based meetings. Here are just a few (in no particular order):

Harm Reduction for Alcohol – HAMS


SMART Recovery

Women for Sobriety

Moderation Management

Yes, AA Loves Me (dedicated to steppers who insist on trying to post on my Anti-AA blog!)

Why do you zombies just insist on trying to post here?

It is OBVIOUS that this is a non-12-step / “anti-AA” blog, right?

I do not read your insanity. All I do is delete you after I smell you; usually after about 3 to 5 words in. You all say the SAME things with the same thick attitude. You have the exact same hypnotized, brain-washed, narcissistic, sanctimonious, unsolicited vibe. You can’t even see yourselves. But everyone else does. We see you coming…

Many of us feel sorry for you actually. Many of us used to be like you; we know what you think, how you think and why you think it. You are currently living in our past. It is you who has no idea of what we know. We have read the book and the “approved literature” that you read. For instance, have you read and of the following books?

We have. And if you haven’t you really have no business trying to engage the non-12-step community in dialog. You are not even in the same league or on the same page. You can’t be until you decide to THINK and reject the non-sense that you are following. If you are sober or abstinent or in “recovery” you did it. Alcoholics Anonymous just happened to be there. As a matter of fact AA and 12 step rehab faux treatment makes Substance Use Disorder (a.k.a. addiction) worse. There is evidence-based treatment out here for people who want and need it. AA is not only, “not the only way”; AA is no way at all. It’s just a fucking yellow brick road.

These “unapproved” words go against EVERYTHING you have been programed to believe in. Dare you read on? You know you are not allowed to get angry, right? Anger will activate your “disease”, you will then relapse and …DIE!

Yes, you have been conditioned to believe that you will actually DIE if you do not follow and believe in a totally made up program based on a bogus book that some old dude plagiarized while in a hospital ward experiencing delusions.



Here… Here are some “suggestions” for you. Take them or…DIE! (Sorry, I’m just kidding! LOL)

Go to a meeting.

Call someone in the fellowshyt.

Say the Serenity Prayer…at least 12 times RIGHT NOW!

Phone your sponsor and confess to going to sites that do not support your sobriety…just your EMPOWERMENT.

Do some service work.

Drink some coffee.

Smoke something.

Feel some newcomer up.

Love-bomb some poor pigeon.

Read your Big Book.

Listen to someone’s personal 5th step.

Hug some stranger at a meeting.

Take some poor bastard’s inventory.

Listen to a “talk” on CD!

If none of those things appeal to you…watch this video:

Surely, there are many, many things you should and could be doing rather than wasting time here? After all, in your estimation I am just someone who is going to DIE soon…so that others may live.

Listen, I have not been to a meeting in over a year! My terminal uniqueness has metastasized all out of control. You might call me a what “dry-drunk” or just in good ol denial? Go ahead, you know you want to. I don’t mind. Judge and inventory on away.

I am so damned glad I am out of AA. I’ll NEVER go back. I’d rather die…and I don’t stutter. I’d rather DIE! So, damn! Can’t hold THAT over my head now, can you? So, how am I to be controlled? You see? Just call me “one of the unfortunates…” if it makes you feel all RIGHT.

I make decisions for my life like an actual adult. Baby! I’ve got the nerve to damned THINK (of all things!) When I’m invited to go out places where that ole demon-possessed, yet baffling, cunning and powerful ALCOHOL is served–I go! I am not afraid. Their is no “disease” out in the parking lot doing push ups; and no Tooth fairy, Santa or Easter Bunny either, by the way.

And guess what the fuck else?

I drink.

Yeah, I moderate that shit. I have been doing it for over a year now. And you think you’re a “miracle” right? It’s really no big deal for those whose minds were never infected by AA. You and I both know, however, that I am supposed to be in prison, in an asylum or preferably (to totally prove that AA is 100% right) DEAD. By AA’s own standards I should be dead. What gives? Why, how can I have one or two drinks and not just lose all mo fo control, turn 1 drink into 1000, black out and hit hell through the damned bottom? If you really want to know, use your power to educate yourself. Start with:

I was a bit shaky at first because all of the lunacy I learned from my insane, abusive, malpracticing sponsor and grand-sponsor who told me I have DEATH upon me. They were really a couple of old crack-bats. There were others worse than them though. I had a friend in the fellowshyt who was absolutely TERRIFIED of her sponsor. Most folks in the fellowshyt are scared of this woman. She is a pit bull. In REALITY that would discredit her and make her someone to avoid; in AA that made her…esteemed? The more abusive and sadistic you can be between “love-bombings” the more respect you get from fellowshyt-heads.

I looked forward to the times when she would jump-off cussing and starting a huge argument at one of the tables. I’m telling you, this sponsor was a hard-rock baller from the hood! I heard stories that she used to physically attack people back in the day…you know before she gained “Fellowshyt-Sainthood” by racking up 20 years of professed clean-days.

My fellowshyt friend would get very anxious and nervous when she had to speak with her pit bull sponsor. It was the damnedest thing to watch an educated, social worker with grown kids be bullied by an old hard-rock who looked 25 years older than me, even though we are the same age. The woman was ROUGH! I felt sorry for my fellowshyt friend. At least I didn’t have her as a sponsor. WHEW!

How do grown, free Americans justify treating one another that way? Oh wait! I know. They are brain-washed ZOMBIES in a cult! GOT IT!

It took me a while to get my bearings back. I am doing just fine now. The word “recovery” is your cross to bear–not mine. You can carry that weight right on your back until you get it, if ever in this life time. I am over it.

I communicate with REAL people who are allowed to think, learn, grow and research. Did you know that most people who stop drinking do so all on their own with no treatment, no program, no book, no sponsor and NO CULT?

I’m sure you don’t know that. You REFUSE to know it. Right…right…

Did you know that just because you are in AA and my sponsor is in AA and I was in AA you cannot presume to know how she felt about me or what her actual thoughts are or were? Do you realize that reading Bill W’s plagiarized book (from Old Oxford Group Religion in 1939) cannot possibly give you that kind of insight into other human beings?

Have you forgotten that people are individuals; not archetypes created by an old drunk con man who reportedly begged for a drink on his death bed after years of being a sexual predator, tobacco fiend and LSD tripper?

I am a human being. You do not know me. That ridiculous drivel you read over and over again grants you no special, miraculous ability to perceive anything about me other than what I choose to reveal. You’ve been lied to!


You are not powerless.

All you have to do is wake the fuck up!

But until then…stop posting your stupid comments to me. Or continue; what the hell ever. I will simply DELETE. You did manage to inspire the following great song/video. Feel free to sing along…since you’re here!

Yes AA Loves Me (to the tune of Yes Jesus Loves Me)

AA loves me! This I know,
For the Big Book tells me so;
Drunken ones to them belong;
We are weak; AA is strong.

Yes, AA loves me!
Yes, AA saves me!
Yes, AA loves me!
The Bill-Book tells me so.

AA sponsors’ old-time love
Hitting bottom at their shove,
Giving up is the first step,
To confess all secrets kept.
Yes, AA loves me!
Yes, AA saves me!
Yes, AA loves me!
The Big-Book tells me so.

AA meetings numb the mind,
Ignorance is so sublime,
Higher Power hear my prayer
My Disease I cannot bear.
Yes, AA loves me!
Yes, AA saves me!
Yes, AA loves me!
The Bill-Book tells me so.

Ouija boards & 13th steps
Predators and nameless deaths;
No one shows Bill’s hidden truth,
They swear “it works” all without proof.
Yes, AA loves me!
Yes, AA saves me!
Yes, AA loves me!
The Big-Book tells me so.

AA leaves me powerless
Over my life; I confess
If I pray for one more day
I’ll be spared death by AA.
Yes, AA loves me!
Yes, AA saves me!
Yes, AA loves me!
The Bill-Book tells me so.

© 2014 IIF

Buh-Bye! ;-)

After 75 Years of Alcoholics Anonymous, It’s Time to Admit We Have a Problem

After 75 Years of Alcoholics Anonymous, It’s Time to Admit We Have a Problem

This article, After 75 Years of Alcoholics Anonymous, It’s Time to Admit We Have a Problem by Maia Szalavitz   is one of the best I’ve have read thus far on what is currently going on in this country with regards to continuing to hold AA and the 12 step model up as effective treatment . It’s sharp. It’s clear, informative and unapologetic. Please share the link with as many people as you can.

Philip Seymour Hoffman & Celebrities Lost to Faux 12 Step Rehab

There is so much more to Philip Seymour Hoffman’s life and death than anyone can recount in any post, opinion or comment. Only he and his Creator can speak to it all really. He does offer us all a cautionary tale that could potentially save many lives. From the people, like myself, who greatly admired his creative genius, art and breathtaking talent; to the smug, judgmental jackasses who heartlessly and mindlessly speak ill of him after his death; what do we all know really? We know he struggled with Substance Use Disorder. We know he followed Alcoholics Anonymous. Where did it lead him? Who among us is brave enough to consider more than what is fed to us like blind sheep enslaved to popular belief and age old propaganda? I wonder.

Evidence suggests that Philip was in an inordinate amount of pain. His death has thus far been deemed an overdose; personally it looks like another quiet AA induced ‘situation’ (I’ll call it) to me. I know what such a moment or ‘situation’ looks like. I know what it feels like. No one goes off and purchases 70 bags of heroine just to have a personal “party”. It’s not fun. (So, stop ‘hattin’!) I’ve never had to grapple with the hell of hard, street drugs; but I can relate to the hellish desperation that one can be driven to from the drug called ‘alcohol’ when also suffering from the soul and mind diminishing indoctrination of Alcoholics Anonymous. (My pain was compounded by a childhood scarred by molestation and rape. AA made a bad situation worse for me. AA members abused and traumatized me further. Just pain on top of pain!) Why did Philip over use substances in his youth? Did AA help him with whatever precipitated his Substance Use Disorder in the first place? What qualifies Alcoholics Anonymous members to handle serious emotional and psychological issues? Though these questions are rhetorical in nature; they do be answers.

In AA the disciples blatantly tell you upon entering their meetings, “Oh it’s not religious. It’s “spiritual”!” Then they proceed to hold hands and recite The Lord’s Prayer and/or The Serenity Prayer in unison at each and every meeting before they endlessly discuss turning your will, life and mind over to your “higher-power” which can be a god of your own choosing. I should have run from the rooms when they suggested that my “god” could be a light-bulb, a rock, the tables…just what the phuck ever. All that mattered was that I submitted to AA and relinquished my personal power completely and without hesitation or DIE! I am certain that Philip faced some version of the usual AA indoctrination.

Dr. Stanton Peele states, “The A.A. model has struck a responsive chord among Americans. Obviously, with the rejection of Prohibition, the United States had decided against a national policy that everyone should abstain from drinking. Yet American society continues even today to show a deep unease about alcohol and about intoxication, which many people seek even while fearing its disturbing effects. Given this national ambivalence, we have been drawn to the “old-time religion” of temperance, as represented by A.A., now cloaked in the modern language of medicine and the neurosciences.” (SEE:
AA does not allow you to be human; to slip, get up from a fall without serious recrimination and consequences. You must be punished! They have to bash you to hit the bottom and most devastating depths of hell, loss and humiliation. You must be broken and stripped of all dignity (a.k.a. ego) or you shall surely DIE. Philip had relapsed after 23 years of sobriety. Few can imagine what that experience was like for him. I can imagine; but I do not know. His experience was his own uniquely. My heart breaks for him and everyone who has to go through such anguish, torture and ultimately death. People who speak ill of him had better hope that they or someone they love is never touched by this type of horrible tragedy.

Heroin addiction is on the rise in this country. Substance Use Disorder has reached epidemic proportions that surely effect many more of us than just celebrities. Consider that please prior to judging the rich, famous and infamous. American youths are turning to heroine in particular more and more as a cheap fix for their addiction to prescription drugs. Many know-it-alls making crass comments about PSH right now are unaware that their son(s) or daughter(s) are currently out looking for a cheap fix due to running out of pills to swipe from the family’s (or neighbor’s) medicine cabinet(s). This typical drug-seeking behavior is the beginning of a horrible and potentially deadly spiral. Because most Americans’ children are not celebrities, however, few will know or care about this rising epidemic. Care now! It’s likely heading to your door…or under your roof already. The unfortunate celebrities who fall victim to Substance Use Disorder and the ineffectual American rehabilitation racket,  are actually just the canaries in the cave. Pay attention to how they endlessly march in and out of rehabilitation centers, AA, NA, etc. and still they DIE at an alarming rate. Why is that?

Why did Hoffman join that large group of celebrities who dies after recently having been in treatment

Dr. Stanton Peele recently took the time to highlight and specifically identify just why Philip Seymour Hoffman has joined the large ever-growing group of celebrities who have died after recently having been in treatment.

1. Combining different drugs and alcohol. Rehab grads are not made aware that the worst usage pattern is to combine alcohol and other drugs, particularly depressants (such as narcotics, tranquilizers, and barbiturates).

2. Lower tolerance. If rehab grads haven’t been using for some time (which is likely the case when they are fresh out of the rehab facility), their tolerance for their drug of choice has diminished–particularly in the case of narcotics.

3. In for a dime, in for a dollar. Twelve-step programs teach people that any level of use of any drug or alcohol is the equivalent of a full blown relapse, so that addicts and alcoholics give up all efforts at self-restraint once they have consumed any amount of a substance. As a result, they often experience a complete relapse after a slip.

4. Failure to have safeguards in place. Since the only permissible stance post rehab is to vow never to use a substance again, graduates are not “allowed” (or alerted) to take safety precautions.

5. Failure to have available an overdose kit. If you are going to use narcotics, you should have readily accessible an overdose kit, the main ingredient of which is naloxone (brand name, Narcan), a narcotic antagonist.

Please read Dr. Stanton Peele’s entire, potentially life-saving article via the following link:

It is now being reported that Philip spiraled out of control after taking one damned drink! I can certainly believe that. You see, as absurd as it seems, in AA there is simply no provision for making even the slightest mistake. I remember during my first year, I had been 100% abstinent for 6 months. I got my lil chip and everything as I proudly stood before the group who chanted in unison, “HOW DID YOU DO IT?!” And then as was the custom, I shared on how much the “miracle” of AA and my benevolent sponsor(s) helped me and loved me through those months to arrive at 6 whole months clean. I felt so pleased with myself; like you do as a child when the dentist sends you home with a ‘Look Mom No Cavities’ certificate. My sponsor beamed with pride.

Not long after that, I was at my sister’s apartment; my first mistake. I was forbidden by my sponsors to visit my family. I disobeyed though. (They always called me “hard-headed.) I looked into the fridge to make a sandwich for my niece and nephew. Then I saw it! It was a fourth of a bottle of red wine. I quickly closed the fridge. My self-professed powerlessness kicked in. I felt compelled to just taste it. I had been trained to call my sponsor at such moments, but I knew she would just brow beat and verbally chastise me for being at my family’s place in the first place. I was powerless…(or so I thought) and the wine seemed to just beckon me. ‘Oh that cunning, baffling beast!‘ I re-opened the fridge, pulled the cork on the bottle and I just smelled it. The delightful aroma of fermented grapes filled my olfactory senses with sheer delight. I had not smelled that smell in what seemed like ages. I took a quick swig and replaced the bottle. That was IT! I had relapsed…relapsed…relapsed…relapsed… I lost my blessed 6 months. I went home devastated and dejected.

I felt heartbroken after I indulged in that taste of wine. It was an unforgivable sin. They say you are “powerless” over alcohol in AA, but they treat you like you are as guilty as sin when you slip. (I suspect that even they do not REALLY believe that you are ‘powerless’ due to the way they treat you when you slip.) I knew I would have to confess to my sponsor, my grand-sponsor and then to the entire group. “Fuck it!” I said to myself that night. Since I had already lost EVERYTHING, (as if AA bs is EVERYTHING) I went right to the liquor store and bought myself some vodka. I was powerless after all, right? That first drink had to lead to a second and a second to a thousand, according to The Alcoholics Anonymous Gospel by Bill. Well, that’s what I was told over and over and over again in AA by the old-timer-gurus with loads of self-professed time. (Shut-up! You just have to take their damned word for it!) It is no wonder to me at all that Philip Seymour Hoffman spiraled out of control after having one little drink with 23 years sobriety under his belt. He was devastated beyond what people fortunate enough to be on the outside of AA can ever fully understand. And it is said that he was considered to be an “AA guru” of sorts. If true, that only made it worse for him.

From Clean Slate: “A study showed that alcoholic men who went to Alcoholics Anonymous became 9 times more likely to subsequently “binge drink” than those who used a cognitive behavioral approach.  What’s more, they were also 5 times more likely to binge than a control group who received no help with drinking.  The take-home message here is: you’re probably better off learning a cognitive behavioral approach for addressing substance use problems, or you might be better off getting no help at all* – than you would be going to AA for help with drinking… This increased binge rate among those in AA really is a drastic difference, but to those of us familiar with the recovery culture, it makes perfect sense – we’ve seen it happen again and again – and it also makes perfect sense that those exposed to Lay-RBT or no recovery help at all would have such lower rates of binging.”

“Philip Seymour Hoffman was on a heroin binge 6 weeks before he died, and told friends he feared he was destined to fatally OD . We’re told he went back to AA in a desperate attempt to clean up … but much to his great frustration it didn’t work. At one point someone asked him how bad his problem was, and he responded, “If I don’t stop I know I’m gonna die.” Hoffman went to AA meetings over the last 4 years and was considered a “guru,” because he had been sober for so long. Hoffman would give inspirational talks to people who attended.”

The thing is that ‘regular people’ may think the words: “I know I’m going to die…” are insightful coming from PSH, but what they do not know is that DEATH and DYING is all they talk about in AA. You are ALWAYS going to DIE unless you are 100% submitting to the “miracle” cure, brain-washing, controlling, manipulative freak-fest; unless you figure out how to “pray right” to your self-created “higher-power” for a daily reprieve from your incurable, deadly disease. All they talk about is death and dying in AA. They held it over my head like and axe when I disclosed that I am a teenaged suicide attempt survivor. It was always, “Do this or you are going to DIE!” “Do that or…DIE!” “Lie and DIE!” “Miss a step…DIE!” “Experience ‘anger” and DIE!” “Do what your sponsor tells you to do or…”

You get it, right?

When I was amongst them do you want to know what I said on many occasions? I said, “I know I’m going to die!” And guess what? I almost did. I didn’t buy 70 bags of heroine after a slip. I bought 3 pints of vodka. (My tolerance was only 1 half pint of vodka and I well knew it; one pint was potentially DEADLY for me. Though I was shocked to hear the stories of people who had a gallon of vodka a day habits. I never understood HOW they were still on the warm side of the soil.) Over a 48 hour period I managed to get through over a pint and a half. I was not sober. I was not drunk. I was not exactly dead…but I was not alive either. It was the weirdest, most deathly experience I have ever had in my life (and I’ve given birth several times!). If my inner voice and resolve had not kicked in…the voice and power that AA would swear does not exist—I’d be DEAD today. In the middle of consuming my potentially deadliest binge, a voice within me said, “Pour it out!” I took an entire unopened bottle of vodka into the bathroom and dumped it down the drain.

If I was truly “powerless” I could have NEVER done that in the midst of a deadly binge…NEVER!

AA is a LIAR!

I have been FREE of Alcoholics Anonymous ever since…and I would surely much rather die than to ever trifle with those cult victims ever again. I won’t even talk, listen to or communicate with any of them ever again. I choose not to. They cannot get a response from me online, offline, on my phone or in my home. Communicating with them feels like engaging in some inane discourse with my own human waste. They speak in slogans, non-squitter and utter non-sense. I just will not abide it. I’ve had enough and too much already. I refuse. That is POWER!

When Philip Seymour Hoffman experienced a simple human glitch (a.k.a. “slip”) it had to be BLOWN into a full out relapse from which he had little recourse but to claim “powerlessness” over his addiction and DEATH. But he didn’t really have to die. He believed he did though. That’s all it took. One of AA’s favorite saying is, “Some of us have to die so that others may live.” Many others are in AA and NA right now. They believe as PSH believed. Must they die to prove AA and Bill W. right when there are so many other evidence-based sources of real help out there for people? Does America love Alcoholics Anonymous and the money it generates for the 12 step treatment racket this damned much? Why? It is a sin and a shame…really.

There is another interesting twist to the dichotomy of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s state of mind that I would like to bring up. As a trained actor if he studied the Stanislavski’s Method Acting…this is even more potentially damaging when AA gets into the mix… I think that’s what made my exposure to AA even more devastating for me. Creative people and actors in particular are very sensitive souls indeed.

If as an actor you end up trying to move into the “role of an Alcoholic / Addict” and you are as gifted at channeling your consciousness into the realm of “The Magic IF” which many, many fine actors are trained at doing…can you just imagine how damaging that might have been for a sensitive artist struggling with Substance Use Disorder?

As one trained in this method, I am able to BE-COME someone. We know that Philip was particularly, geniusly adept at this… My hypothesis is that the bogus world of AA, The Magic IF & Reality can morph into a distinctively dangerous paradigm for a well-studied, gifted actor.

From TheatrGroup:

“It is the actor’s job to make the props and set real to himself. By using the “magic if” the actor is granting himself permission to “believe” in these imaginary objects, in the same way a young girl believes her doll is real, or a young boy believes he is really “Tarzan “, or “Konan”, or that the broomstick he is using is really a gun.

It’s magic of the kind that children possess, and few adults retain from childhood, for reasons that most of you adults reading this can relate to: Play is for kids: “Mommy, can I stay up tonight and wait for Santa to come?” Responsibility is for adults: “This damn Santa guy is costing me a fortune!” Honest expression is for kids: “I hate you! I hate you! I wish you were dead!” Diplomacy is for adults: “I’d like to visit John in the hospital, but I just can’t find the time right now.”

If you haven’t discovered this yet, I’ll tell it to you now: Actors are still kids. They have to be. And it’s a constant struggle trying to come to terms with the rest of society, which demands that the adult control the mind and body of anyone over a certain age. And that age is young (“Shh, be quiet Johnny, children should be seen and not heard” — “Sit with your legs together Suzie, like a big girl”).

Suzie doesn’t know why she has to do that, and when she grows up and wants to be an actress, she’ll have a hard time creating “public solitude” while sitting “comfortably” in her movie studio or stage “living room”.”

Philip Seymour Hoffman was one of the most gifted actors that ever lived. He became each character he played in a way that few can master. Anyone who fully appreciates the level of immersion he had to undergo physically, mentally and even physically, can easily appreciate the vulnerability this may have placed his psyche in. I have never had the blessing of actually being able to act on the professional stage, in the movies or on television; but I have experienced what it is like to actually “BECOME” a character. It is a truly surreal reality and a transcendent experience. It could be potentially dangerous depending on the character one seeks to embody. I have seen young actors’ personalities change after playing a particular role. It’s quite interesting and oft times disturbing. There are times when “talent” may border on “pathology” with some sensitive souls. I am not saying this was the case with Philip. I don’t know. It’s worth consideration, however, if it can help someone else.

From TV Tropes:

Method Acting is a controversial practice in the field of performance. The core gist of it is this: an actor tries to replicate the life circumstances, mannerisms and emotional feelings of the character he portrays, so as to give realism, legitimacy and dramatic strength to his performance. An actor playing a character from history might research the character, look for media featuring him, and try to live in the same conditions that that character lived, provided that doing so would not be detrimental to his mental or physical health. A character in a deep depression might make him reflect on his own moments of sadness and bring those feelings forth. He might gain or lose weight to fit a character who is morphologically different from him, but this is generally frowned upon (despite what Robert De Niro would have you believe). Method acting is, above all, not easy. It takes its toll on the actors, both physically and emotionally…

Philip Seymour Hoffman in a scene from Sidney Lumet’s last picture, “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead.”

I am so sorry that this beautiful, talented man with so much more to offer the world had to succumb to ultimately  ineffectual abstinence-cult-club of Alcoholics Anonymous and the faux 12 step rehabilitation racket. As I have taken the time to research and look back over the other celebrities who were exposed to this farce, I see that there are far more precious people than we realize that have been taken from LIFE…stolen from the world of living by the utterly made up system of faux 12 step rehabilitation. I see it so clearly; many of us do…but why don’t more people get it? The en masse cultural denial is staggering. It is depressing. I cannot express the sadness I feel with words. Will more people wake up and see the connection between the con game that Bill W. perpetrated against society and the deaths of many priceless people; not just celebrities? Who will die next so that AA may live?

Alcoholics Anonymous and its members can be harmful to some sensitive souls. Yes, there are many who are proud to chant, “It works for me!” There are just as many, likely more, that are now ready, willing and able to recount to you, “It did not work for me. It hurt me!” It’s high time we listen.

Do you know who your children and loved one(s) are “meeting” with?

R.I.P. Philip Seymour Hoffman…may your suffering and tragedy not be in vain.

RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman

Some Sources of Help with Substance Use Disorder

(In no particular order!)

 HAMS (Harm Reduction, Abstinence and Moderation Support)

My Way Out (MWO)

Moderation Management (MM)

SMART Recovery (Self Management And Recovery Training)

Women For Sobriety (WFS)

SOS (Save Our Selves)


Rational Recovery (RR)

Elizabeth Vargas Reveals Her Best Kept Secret but Does She Miss the Hidden Truth?

Look Into AA Secrets Before You Tell Them Yours

Click image to watch video now.

Elizabeth Vargas, co-anchor of ABC’s World News Tonight and well respected journalist recently announced that she is an “alcoholic”. When this classy, intelligent and composed woman whom I have long admired revealed her best kept secret to the world I was shocked– for only a second. Initially I braced myself for her to reveal that she was facing a disease as Robin Roberts and Amy Robach of Good Morning America have recently shared. And while I was relieved to hear that she did not have cancer, it kind of surprised and at the same time did not surprise me when she said that she had been struggling with “alcoholism”; more appropriately called Substance Use Disorder in the DSM 5. (SEE: )  Many of the best and brightest professionals among us wage private and increasingly more often public battles with alcohol and/or other substances. We are all human and no one, even famous, intelligent, powerful people like Elizabeth Vargas is immune.

After Elizabeth Vargas revealed that she is an ‘alcoholic’ I held my breath and awaited the next axe to fall. Would this be yet another public figure falling into the popular culture’s propensity for turning to AA as “the way” to handle Substance Use Disorder? I hoped against hope that just maybe she would surprise me. She after all is a seasoned researcher and investigator. She’s a brilliant woman. For instance, Elizabeth Vargas was very passionate about the Amanda Knox case. It was obvious how dedicated she is about getting to the truth, women’s rights and how this young woman was treated. (SEE: ) It makes one wonder why Elizabeth Vargas seemingly has no knowledge of (perhaps) or concern for what is happening to many vulnerable women and young people exposed to violent predators in AA. Has she ever, for instance, looked into cases like the tragedy of deceased AA member, Karla Brada? Below is a must-see video about the late Karla Brada and what happened to her after she started going to AA meetings. It is quite ‘sobering’ (and potentially life-saving) for any parent or person who cares about someone with a drinking or drug use issue today:

Click image to watch video now:

AA Parent s Worst Nightmare The Murder of Karla Brada

AA Murder of Karla Brada a Parent’s Worst Nightmare

I honestly expected Elizabeth Vargas’ fine investigative skills to come into play regarding Alcoholics Anonymous and the tragic fate and abuse of women and children who come into contact with dangerous criminals by attending AA and NA meetings across this country and abroad. It is increasingly more simple to find information regarding case after case of vulnerable people who turned to AA or NA for help only to meet dire, tragic ends. Just Goggle: “Murder in AA” for starters. In a piece called Murder in the Rooms of AA, reports, “AA is a program that doesn’t differentiate. Meetings take place everywhere from exclusive Beverly Hills neighborhoods to the bowels of maximum-security prisons. When I was in drug treatment, I felt that I could—and should—talk openly about the petty theft and fraud I’d engaged in to fund my heroin habit, as it was part of the process of “getting better.” “We’re only as sick as our secrets,” says one AA mantra. But what about a case where the secret is murder?” (SEE: ) And an extremely informative watchdog site named NA Daytona regularly reports on crimes, rapes, murders, etc. in Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. (SEE: The facts are not difficult for a layperson to find, much less a seasoned journalist. I expected more from Elizabeth Vargas.

Elizabeth Vargas interview

Click image to access AA Deprograming Videos.

I crossed my fingers waiting for her to say, “I’m a sharp, smart woman. I have researched the various modalities for dealing with substance over-use challenges.  As an educated journalist who appreciates and respects the need to do one’s due diligence in discovering evidence-based options to help me deal with my substance use challenges I investigated a number of options.”

 “What did your research uncover Elizabeth?” I imagined George Stephanopoulos asking his esteemed colleague.

 “Well George, I looked at AA of course because that has long been the “go to” program in our society, but this is my life I am talking about and I wanted to look into everything out there.”

 “I don’t blame you Elizabeth. Your health and your life is certainly nothing to take lightly or to just trust to following the crowd without evidence or vetting the alternatives responsibly.”

 “Exactly George! And so I looked at Fred Rotgers, a New Jersey psychologist who has treated patients using science for 30 years. I looked at Stanton Peele, a psychologist, lawyer, and author who has developed the online Life Process Program for those seeking to change their behaviors. I researched what is being done by Tom Horvath, Ph.D., psychologist, who is also the president of SMART Recovery and many others before mindfully deciding what path I believed would work best for me.” Elizabeth would deduce in my imaginary interview. (SEE:  )

 “I would expect nothing less of you Elizabeth!” George would naturally commend her for her efforts.

Neuroscience And Addiction – Stanton Peele

Click image to watch video.

Neuroscience And Addiction _ Stanton Peele

I then imagined that she would go on to let us know which path she had chosen for herself after seriously researching the many options available. After all, any rational person who has taken the time to really investigate substance use disorder, treatment, programs and the current evidence-based research would never choose a sect legally found to be a religion by US courts to be her chosen mode of dealing with her alcohol use challenges, right? (SEE: )

It seems Elizabeth did not do any damned better than I did about 3 years ago when I decided to seek help for myself. I did not research or even consider that there might be other options. Alcoholics Anonymous has been a highly effective propaganda machine for over 7 decades; its message and status as the place to go for alcohol use issues is very thoroughly entrenched. Dr. Stanton Peele states, “The A.A. model has struck a responsive chord among Americans. Obviously, with the rejection of Prohibition, the United States had decided against a national policy that everyone should abstain from drinking. Yet American society continues even today to show a deep unease about alcohol and about intoxication, which many people seek even while fearing its disturbing effects. Given this national ambivalence, we have been drawn to the “old-time religion” of temperance, as represented by A.A., now cloaked in the modern language of medicine and the neurosciences.” (SEE: )

In the actual interview with George Stephanopoulos, Elizabeth Vargas said, “I dealt with that anxiety and with the stress that anxiety brought by starting to drink. And it slowly escalated and got worse and worse. And I remember a few years ago I began to think, do I have a problem with this?” Many people, especially women find themselves relying more and more on alcohol to deal with anxiety and relieve stress. “Many individuals with alcohol problems suffer from other mental health conditions, such as severe anxiety and depression, at the same time. Psychologists can also diagnose and treat these “co-occurring” psychological conditions. Further, a psychologist may play an important role in coordinating the services a drinker in treatment receives from various health professionals.” (SEE:

I hope Elizabeth Vargas knows that she is not at all alone in her struggles with anxiety. Relieving anxiety and stress was also the precipitating factor for me as I began to use wine to “just chillllllllll….” It seems like a quick fix, but for many of us, it only appears to be helping while we are actually slowly developing a potentially destructive habit. Alcoholics Anonymous is no real treatment plan for anyone dealing with an anxiety disorder. In fact, AA often heightens anxiety in vulnerable people which is why people who never had a problem with “binging” prior to AA, often find themselves in a vicious cycle of dangerous binging-behavior after struggling to conform to AA doctrine, controlling members and psyche-busting techniques (used to force people to “hit-bottom).

Hit Bottom Or Die      illbefreeordie

In an article entitled, Alcoholics Anonymous Leads to Increased Binge Drinking on, it states, “A study showed that alcoholic men who went to Alcoholics Anonymous became 9 times more likely to subsequently “binge drink” than those who used a cognitive behavioral approach.  What’s more, they were also 5 times more likely to binge than a control group who received no help with drinking.  The take-home message here is: you’re probably better off learning a cognitive behavioral approach for addressing substance use problems, or you might be better off getting no help at all* – than you would be going to AA for help with drinking!” (SEE:

Alcoholics Anonymous Leads to Increased Binge Drinking

Journalist and author, Gabrielle Glaser reveals in her book, Her Best Kept Secret, that women’s drinking in our culture is often linked to stress, depression, and anxiety. (SEE: Q&A With Author Gabrielle Glaser: Wine, Women and the Dangers of AA | ) In Her Best Kept Secret, Gabrielle Glaser  writes, “There is another realm of women drinker—those who fear they drink too much but haven’t yet suffered serious consequence.  They don’t intend to cross that line, but sometimes there are scary signs: drunken e-mails, wholly forgotten until morning: angry words blurted when the salve of wine morphs into a serum for ugly truths. (From Her Best Kept Secret, page 12)

Click image to read book excerpt.

Her Best Kept Secret  LOOK INSIDE

To my great disappointment Elizabeth Vargas has chosen “powerlessness” and the AA way, just as I did a few years ago. I admire her and feel sorry for her all at the same time. I have no idea what is going to become of Elizabeth as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. If she were a friend or family member of mine, I would try to find other supports for her immediately as her life depends on it. We have all seen what can happen. We are still reeling with the horrible tragedies of high profile deceased 12 step members like Mindy McCready, Whitney Houston, Joey Kovar, Rodney King, Amy Winehouse, Jeff Conaway, Mike Starr, etc.  ( If Elizabeth Vargas is dealing with anxiety-related challenges, she needs and deserves real help to deal those issues. Allowing unqualified AA members to play games with my mind, my life and my emotions sincerely almost cost me my life.

I cringe whenever I recall the time I obeyed my controlling ex-grand sponsor when she issued me an assignment to color daily in a children’s coloring book as therapy to help ease my anxiety and stress. “”Mental health issues can be life threatening and need to be treated with the same intensity and resources as any other dangerous potentially life threatening medical condition. Treatment is effective. If someone you know is suffering please be sure he or she gets help and maintains treatment.” (SEE: And please let’s not forget the tragic loss of Mary Richardson Kennedy who was reportedly diligently “working the AA program” just prior to her death. “When he told her that he was afraid that his missing wife might have “hurt herself,” White said, according to the police report, that didn’t make sense because of “the sobriety work Mary had been doing with AA the last couple months. I’d watched her grow hopeful, blossom before my eyes.” (SEE:

Click image to watch video.

Mary Richardson Kennedy AA Sponsor Found Her Body

I sincerely regret not doing my homework before stepping one foot into an AA meeting. If I had researched prior to going to AA, I would have been spared undue pain, malpractice and emotional harm. As a survivor of childhood and young adult trauma, I would have easily assessed with the right information that I could ill afford the kind of “treatment” and environment that Alcoholic Anonymous thrusts unsuspecting “newcomers” into. I did try to research once I entered AA and it was vehemently discouraged until it got to the point that I was in a car with my sponsor and grand-sponsor who FORBAD me to research or read any further information online…if you can even fathom that! Their fear of education, information and empowerment, however, is what made me increasingly more suspect of them. They would often warn me that my education and intellect were what would ultimately cause my death; that damned fatal “stinkin-thinkin”!

As fate would have it, my mind saved my life and I am grateful to God for blessing me with a mind. “One has to ask why AA has such a strong anti-intellectual bias. I think it can only be because it sees critical and analytical thought as threatening to its precepts. In other words, AA’s message simply does not stand up to rational examination, hence the intellect is treated with scorn and contempt to try to preempt such examination. Fear of the intellect, as well as hatred and contempt for it, to the extent that the very word “intellectual” is a term of abuse, are typical of totalitarian states from Nazi Germany to Maoist China. They are also well-documented features of totalist cults.” (SEE:

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WE THINK NOT  Give your mind over to this simple concept or DIE  __AA 2

It would be one thing if AA was proven to be effective; if it REALLY worked instead of working one’s nerves to frazzles as it did in my case. I recall my ex-sponsor stating that no one could accurately state that AA does not work because it is an “anonymous” program and so research studies simply cannot be done. She said, “Our proof is the people sitting at the tables sharing their stories.” Doesn’t that work both ways though? I know AA’s disdain intellect and logic, but does so-called anonymity and lack of research prove that AA works simply because AA members are anonymous and cannot be interviewed, identified or counted? Does the inability (or unwillingness) to prove something one way or another result in proving it? AA says, “Yes!” Logical people call it fallacious cherry-picking to claim that AA is effective simply based on the people who show up at the tables. It’s utterly incredible!

Also, what about the people who are not at the tables to share their stories because AA didn’t work for them and they left or died? How are these people quantified? What about the women, teens and vulnerable adults who fall victim in AA and run from those dangerous meetings? What about the AA members who have ended up dead due to experiences in AA and exposure to abusive AA sponsors and members? There are many, many such cases. Wouldn’t people like Elizabeth Vargas want to know the answers to questions such as this? I personally have found that the main factor in determining one’s success in dealing with alcohol over-use is for one to decide exactly what he or she wants to do…and to do it; with or without treatment, medicine, counseling, religion or whatever. People who want to quit drinking or moderate their drinking are most often able to do so…because they choose to! We must use our power and choose our own paths. “How does AA stack up against other treatments, like cognitive behavioral therapy? A 2007 study by the National Council on Alcoholism’s medical journal reported that people attending 12-step treatment programs had a 49.5% abstinence rate after a single year. Those who were in CBT programs were less successful, maintaining a 37% abstinence rate. It almost seems too close to call. And it doesn’t take into account people who try and try again. The difficulty with measuring AA’s effectiveness is that it’s not really a treatment program. It is a support network of non-professionals that offers a model for abstinence.” (SEE: )

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You Are Not Powerless

As I said, I have long admired Elizabeth Vargas. I commend her for having the courage to get out before the world and deal with an issue that is so personal and sensitive. I pray that she does not go through what I and so many others have experienced. More and more women are drinking these days and they will be looking at what happens with high profile people such as Elizabeth Vargas. Women deserve the best information and resources that our supposedly advanced society can offer. AA is not it. “Women increasingly need help, as their drinking has escalated. Women are being stopped more for drunken driving than they were two decades ago. They’re also the biggest consumers of wine, buying the larger share of the 856 million gallons sold in the United States in 2012.” (SEE:

I hope Elizabeth Vargas does not become entangled in gross anti-intellectualism, hypocrisy and illogical paradoxes that threaten to cause her even more anxiety and stress as they did me and many others. Alcoholics Anonymous and its members can be potentially even more harmful to the sensitivities of individuals suffering with anxiety as Elizabeth Vargas states she has. I pray she keeps that smile and steady confident air that we have all grown so used to seeing. I wish her the best…but I have a hell of time seeing how she is going to possibly get it in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Click image for Penn & Teller’s Bullshit on AA.

Penn and Teller Bullshit on AA


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