Alcoholics Anonymous would have newcomers and members believe that the emotion of anger is one that they cannot possibly afford as it will lead surely to relapse and death. Even resentment I was told would lead to relapse and DEATH. (Actually EVERYTHING besides a strict adherence to Bill’s Book of Bullshyt and the inane lunacy flowing from so-called “sponsors’” pie-holes will lead to DEATH…DEATH and more DEATH with a pit stop or two along the way to the ASYLUM, PRISON and HOSPITALS…all ultimately leading to DEATH.
FROM The Big Book on Anger:
“But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die…
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison….
When a person offended we said to ourselves, “This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
Review pages 66-67 for full text.
Thus, in AA for old timers and newcomers alike, to feel anger is TO DIE. If you accept that ideology, ‘to be human is to DIE’ because all humans are subject to a full range of human emotions; one of which is ANGER. AA zombies have been conditioned to believe that to feel anger will cause them to actually die. What a torturous way to live! One must utterly repress a normal human emotion…or DIE? No wonder so many of the people who go into AA; leave AA…and at an increasing way.
Sadly, many people in and out of the cult do not understand and anger and are afraid of it. They believe that anger is in and of itself wrong, sinful, harmful and destructive. I do not agree with them. Anger is what you make of it. You have the power–not anger. I really appreciate what blogger, Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D writes on anger: “...anger or rage is a powerful explosive like dynamite, which can be used destructively or constructively, for evil or good. Like nuclear radiation or nitroglycerine, anger can be used both to harm and to heal. Anger can, under certain circumstances, take total possession of a person, driving us blindly into self-destructive behavior and evil deeds. Like love, anger can be “blind.” Anger is often experienced as a threatening, malicious alien force taking over mind, body and soul. A ferocious beast, a berserk bear, a poisonous serpent, fire-breathing dragon, wrathful god, vindictive devil or demon.” From: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evil-deeds/200909/anger-and-catharsis-myth-metaphor-or-reality
You know what I figured out? I am going to die anyway. Life leads to DEATH. As a full adult it is my responsibility to discover, define and determine my own Destiny, my own Beliefs and how I choose to manifest in this World. I have to live my own life true to who I am; not who AA or anyone else tells me to be.
I accept that as a human being I will sometimes experience joy, sorrow, pain, pleasure, anger and a full array of other normal human emotions. That is life. Teaching people to stuff and deny their anger under fear of death is pure lunacy. It harms people.
No old self-defined drunk on this planet or anywhere in the Universe has a right to dictate how you or I shall live life and/or FEEL about the life we live—whether we drink any substance upon God’s green earth or not.
Anger is a real emotion. It is not negative. It is not positive. It is POWERFUL and defined by the ways in which we choose to channel and use it. Anger may be used for evil or good. My anger is not directed at any real person with regards to the cult of Alcoholics Anonymous. My anger is directed at this bogus institution and the miseducation of a nation that feeds people into this faux program that harms more people than it helps. Any sane person might be angered to discover what those of us in the AA Pro-TRUTH Community (better name than “anti-AA”) has discovered in the past few years.
“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.” William Arthur Ward
As a survivor of childhood molestation, rape, a sadistic marriage where I endured chronic intimate terrorism…and now survivor of AA, I am often told that I must “let it go” and I must stop being angry. WTF?
Let me give any pious, forgive-ness bully, self-righteous, judgmental asshole attempting to feign “helpfulness” a little 411: Telling a survivor NOT to be angry only makes the person ANGRIER. Stop being an INFURIATING ass-hole! That would help to relieve a great deal of anger.
When bullied by self-deputized Emotions Police masquerading as caring friends, associates or family members, often times the anger directed at abusers is re-routed within survivors to include the anti-anger bully. Seriously, has your anger ever been calmed by having some jerk stand over you and tell you how every wrong you are for being angry? How does that really make you feel? THINK about it for a minute.
I absolutely hate for anyone to tell me how I should feel without their having lived MY LIFE AS ME. Note the distinction: MY LIFE AS ME! For even if they have endured the exact same circumstances or even circumstances more severe than what I have survived, they did not survive anything as ME. So, I advise them to thank their lucky stars and save their advice on anger for Rainbow Brite and Mickey Mouse.
A survivor must have the space and time to feel in order to move into the place where they can heal. This can’t be forced or coerced. A sincerely kind person would not even want to try to force a survivor to do or to be or to feel anything besides what he or she is feeling.
Survivors especially have a right to their anger and to process it as and if they can. No one has any right to judge them. A survivor has a hell of a lot more right to feel angry than an outsider has a right to come, judge and tell another human being not to feel however he or she damned feels!
In AA I had to endure people who did not know me stand in my face and tell me how I should feel, think and be. They were smug beyond all measure and always regurgitating bs from the BB as if they were quoting the very word of God. I will never allow anyone to give me unsolicited advice again. I choose whom I will listen to based on how much regard and respect I have for each person. I have absolutely no respect or regard for any advice, information or ideas coming from anyone who is currently a cult victim in AA, NA or any other cult.
I could just slap the sour spit out of someone’s mouth when they try to tell me how the fuck I should feel. I have fantasies about the kinds of things that have happened to survivors, instead happening to people who try to control the emotions of survivors and then telling them, “Now YOU let it go now Big Pimpin! Forgive. Let it go…or DIE!” We can already imagine just how “forgiving” and “gracious” they would be then, can’t we?
Just observe them; they can’t even allow survivors to feel their own emotions. They have no empathy, no gracious acceptance. They would have no more benevolence if our shoes were actually on their foul feet. They would be even uglier and angrier than what they judge us for. I guarantee it. For if there was true agape love and grace in their hearts and souls they would not treat a hurt person so badly. They would not add to another’s pain with indifference, judgment and needless admonishment.
They make it harder for survivors…they really do!
I know I would have been far more successful at processing my anger when I was younger if not for the many judgmental ass-holes who arrived to inform me of how wrong I was to feel angry. They made me far angrier. Why? It feels like an invalidation of the core of one’s self for someone who you go to for help or support or just a listening ear to attempt to shame and blame you for your natural emotions.
It feels like further fucking violation to be told not to feel angry about being harmed!
Because it is!
I experienced far too much invalidation and mental violation in AA. It increased my anxiety and threatened my sense of inner balance. Insanity is infectious in there. It is quite literally palpable and pungent. You can catch crazy from those mo fo’s; I swear! I am still thanking the Universe for delivering me from that vipers’ nest of the most harmful, hateful, callous, individuals I have ever met in my life. (They have a lot of anger by the way. They feel that stuffing it and being dispassionate about it means that they are not angry. They are VERY ANGRY. They express it in very passive; very AGGRESSIVE and harmful ways.)
Anyone who runs an anti-AA blog can tell you how ANGRY those zombies are. They post horrible, hateful things. No one is nastier or angrier than they are.
I am far less angry now than I was when I was in AA. I did not get here from anyone telling me NOT to be angry at AA either. If there had been people telling me that I would still be angry and I would also be angry at them for their attempts at emotionally coercing me. Most of the people who bully others about how they feel are the most EXPOLSIVE and angry people that anyone could ever encounter if the truth be told. Anyone who tells others not to be angry is a lying hypocrite.
Feel your feelings! You are a HUMAN BEING.
It is important to get in touch with your emotions and process them. You can express them through all sorts of creative (not destructive) means. I like to use art. When I lived by the ocean cliffs I named big head-sized rocks and dashed them with a SCREAM upon the jagged, rocky shore. That was refreshingly cathartic.
You can feel & channel your anger in harmless even creative ways such as:
Connecting with Nature.
Screaming (in a safe place).
Even a good spitty curse-fess (alone or with an empathetic friend) can help you to express and relieve anger. If your anger is causing you difficulties in living day to day life, you deserve the relief that a skilled and caring counselor can provide you with.
Remember, you have a RIGHT to feel how you feel. Your feelings are feelings. They are NEVER wrong. How you choose to use that anger is what is important. For instance, I was VERY angry at how I was mistreated in AA. I fantasized many unmentionable things happening to my ex-sponsor and grand sponsor. Instead of using that anger to bother anyone, I channeled it into the development of my web site and this blog. Just look! My anger has helped other people and myself.
The next time someone tells you that you should NOT feel angry, tell them to stop ‘shoulding’ on you before you get really, really ANGRY at them!
Your range of emotions are as beautiful and bold as the range of colors within the rainbow…from anger to joy from pretty pink to emerald green…
Feel your feelings! You are a HUMAN BEING damn it!
YOU ARE POWERFUL!